It's Breaking...

I just finished watching Laguna Beach season 1 where the seniors are graduating and are going on their seperate ways. First of all, it got me all amped up for graduation which will be on July 2007...YAY!!! oh gosh i just can't wait. For the seniors in Laguna, finishing high school and leaving Laguna means the "bubble" is breaking because they are leaving their parents house for the first time and being apart from their bestest friends for months. But to me i guess it all happened 10 years ago. At 10, i was already far from mum and dad; living just with 3 other boys in a homestay. it was a HORRIBLE feeling if i remember. My "bubble" has broke 10 years ago and the growing just started. I can't believe that my parents are missing out my growing years. It's all are the opposite with the seniors in Laguna. By the way, i was thinking since i have done this for like forever now, i should have no problems going to college by myself. However, no matter what the adrenaline is there. Im worried and im nervous and im scared. This is so confusing. I want to graduate but dont wanna go to college. what kind of decision is that. Eventhough my "bubble" has broke 10 years ago, it wasn't the bubble i was living in. Vancouver and Bodwell is the real bubble because this is where im ending my high school year and start a new chapter of my life. Laguna, i'll miss u definetely and im looking foward to see myself walking down that beautiful beach someday.
I hope everystep i take leads to the right direction...Amen.

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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 2:15 AM
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It's ending......

The year is growing and so is my future. High school year is ending and it is time to choose my path where i am going. As i see many choices, i get confused. Still doesn't know where to adapt. I don't want to waste anymore time and i have to choose the right way before i regret. Looking around you with everything happening right now isn't easy to say "OK"....i have to think a million times before that word comes out of my mouth and mind. Psychology is what i want to take and move on to. But what if it is not the right one for me....i dont know what else to do and take. Maybe, yes, that is what i wanna do but thinking of schools, which school should i go to?? Percentage might not be enough to go to UBC but still got to try that! huuuff....it is so confusing! Being apart of high school is going to be WEIRD but i am waiting for my Graduation which i am excited about. Summer, let's come and set me free from the kids i used to be and help me grow to be a woman who respect her youth. Help me to be strong to face the new places i am about to be into. I can't never be any stronger without the supports i had right now in high school where the friends are and where i am belong. Hoping that some of us will still be together in the same place soon growing and seeing the new things together as the day pass by.
A semester to go guys and we're out of there. Let's face the freaking examinations and provincials together. Let's choose it now so we'll be prepared.

-Fall 2006-

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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 9:33 PM
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Untuk si monyet gombal!

Ingatan terkembali tapi hanya saja sengaja tidak di sadari.
Melupakan segalanya bukanlah keahlianku.
Menginginkan segalanya juga bukanlah keahlianku.
Semuanya melewati batas yang telah ada.
Berteman denganmu adalah caraku untuk melihat kenyataan.
Tetapi tetap sama saja kebeneran yang telah ku ketahui.
Bukan maksudku untuk bertemu di hadapanmu.
Ingin melupakan dan biasa-biasa saja.
Tapi hati melawan semua keinginanku.
Kamu membuatku terpukul.
Kamu membuatku merasa begitu jauh.
Kuinginkan dirimu tapi kenyataan berkata lain.
Andai kamu tau, aku merasakannya lebih jauh dari yang kamu rasakan.
Menahan rasa ini sangatlah susah tapi aku akan berusaha.
Kamu membuatku menginginkan lebih banyak lagi.
Jika kamu tau, ketahuilah bawha aku merasa kangen dan kenginginan jauh lebih banyak dari yang kamu rasakan bila kamu merasakannya.
Kamu sangatlah menyiksa diriku.

I wanna hate you but i dont know how.
Lets forget everything and enjoy the new beginning.
That is better and will be.

-Buahvita Rasa Apel-

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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 12:41 AM
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I tear my heart open, i sew myself shut
My weakness is that i care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and i'm feeling down
And i just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And i can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All i can say is

I tear my heart open, i sew myself shut
My weakness is that i care too much
My scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So i offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

I tear my heart open, i sew myself shut
My weakness is that i care too much
My scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And i just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And i tried to grab your hand
And i left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least i can say i tried
I'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least i can say i tried
I'm sorry but i gotta move on with my own life

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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 11:17 PM
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Being yourself and all aren't easy as it seem. you tried but some people just dont understand and that is quite a problem, i guess. as things had happened and ups and downs had happened, i tried to move on as my own self and trying to figure things out the right way so that it isn't so awkward all the time. i had put the past behind and what had happened, happened! there's nothing to be done and there is no way to bring it back. i moved on but some people dont and it is hard on me as i can't be natural because it's always so awkward when we have a conversation. Yes, that's right i called the ex but it didn't mean anything. i called because i think we are still friends and there is nothing wrong about a friend calling. i tried to make it so good and fun but he just made it so awkward by his favourite "SILENT" thing. no wonder it doesnt work because he never make a conversation better not even me laughing out loud. probably me smiling. what's so hard about it. he speak in such a nice way like we have a thing going on when there's none. did he realize that it is over? dont talk to me that way because i get annoyed of people trying to be nice to me when they are not. it's just fake. why dont people start being real and be straight because that way, i think it will be lot easier to understand and get things right.
i dont mean bad but please dont lie to yourself.

peace out.

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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 8:59 PM
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i was reading my messages...the past messages. i just remembered that i forgot about everything. things that had been done and things that ive craved back then. reading it gave me the feelings. i miss everything that i had...every person that come and go in my life. i miss them very much. i dont know if i've had them because you can't lose what you never had. if i do, i really want them back. i dont know if it is real. if it is, i wanna be real too. i miss how i used to love someone. now, i forgot how. even though i wanted to, they dont let me. it is so hard to find them and be friends again. i wonder how....
i just wish to meet again and start all over again.
Amen.

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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 11:03 PM
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-=[JoVitA a.k.a Wawi]=-| 8:58 PM
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